CANVAS.

with each stroke
his brush filled me
up
with pain
with love
with resentment
with passion
with regret
with pleasure
every motion with meaning
every touch
captured the essence of my soul
captured me perfectly
he knew my every crevice
the corner of each wall in entirety
I stood there
bare
watching, as he plowed
through my soul
devouring me whole
caught up in the heat of the moment
he laid on the final touches
as his paint brushed
across my caramel canvas
he told a story
with his hands
just me and my body understands
the desire
the yearning
the burning passion
he didn’t leave my body lacking
he took me to heights of
unimaginable pleasure
not even the Richter Scale could measure
the frequency of my body’s climatic seizure
exploded twice
my body melted like warm Ice
he tasted my sweet nectar
as he applied pressure
he licked his lips
he was satisfied
that I was satisfied
the seed of our lust planted so perfectly.
we hit the resolution
came to the conclusion
I felt completion
it is all an illusion
I’m left defeated
quite a nuisance
wet with grievance.

Lost Love

The famous poet Alfred Tennyson said it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Initially When I heard this I thought it was utter crap ; Who wants to invest their time into someone and have their heart broken? Why not just avoid love altogether I thought, Silly fools! Easier said than done.
When you start falling in love with someone you don’t even realize it, it really just happens outta nowhere. You become engulfed in total bliss & pure happiness, you feel complete. It is really an indescribable feeling. When I fell in love I had finally realized what Tennyson meant, love is a beautiful thing. I was waking up every day with thoughts of this one person on my mind, happy everyday and content in knowing that someone had a strong love for me. Then things fell apart. He cheated. I was heartbroken, devastated to say the least.
Imagine investing your time and energy into something just to have it fall apart in front your eyes. It was really one if the most traumatic things that had ever happened to me. I felt broken, like I had lost a big piece of me. I constantly tried to make sense of the situation and almost went crazy doing so because there was no logic behind his deception. I was really left in a hopeless place with nothing but despair and tears. I felt like there was no coming back from this like I would be broken forever and the remnants of this shattered heart would last forever.
But one day something clicked in me and I realized I couldn’t lose myself over lost love.
You have to look at it like this, when a mirror is cracked and is repaired no matter what it is no longer its former self whether it is stronger or stained with a scar. What is taken from this action of repair or the scorn of the scar is a lesson which is more valuable than anything one could hope for.
I realized that this feeling of brokenness was nothing more than mind over matter. Of course it sucked when it happened and in the back of my mind there is a chance that it would always hurt at least a little. However, it didn’t make sense to dwell on the pain of lost love. It made more sense to cherish the fact that I allowed myself to love so wholehearted and with so much power.
I learned to forgive him not for the sake of letting him back into my life but I forgave for the sake of my heart and sanity. I realized I didn’t have to walk around with the burning pain in my mind and heart because this pain could lead to resentment and resentment could lead to fear of love and depriving me of true love would really be the ultimate punishment. i came to the realization that I had to just live , let go and move on.
By the end of my heartbreak I had fully understood what Alfred Tennyson meant; lost love is either a blessing or lesson. It can be really devastating when it happens but the strength you regain when you pull through it is a beautiful thing. You prove to yourself how courageous and brave you are to not allow yourself to remain broken. You really see what beauty can come from tragedy. You really learn never to give upon yourself, that you can make it through the darkest of times by just believing that you can.