last weak

i get in these moods where i lose sight of where I want to be and

i drown in my reality

my reality that keeps me awake at night

my reality that’s in shambles

my reality that’s FAR from perfect

my reality that causes me to be ridiculously forgetful

my mind is always going

i’m always distracted

hardly focused

i lose keys

i lose money

i lose time

i lose opportunities

i lose people

i lose myself

i’m always thinking about everything but nothing at the same time

i just want to stop thinking

i just want to focus

i started taking these vitamins to help me focus and I forget to take them or

i’m just too lazy

either way they didn’t work.

i hate when I get like this

it literally feels like i’m sinking into myself

i stay in bed

i ignore calls

i engage only with people who don’t really know because, well,

they don’t really know…me

i hate when this happens it’s so hard to get out of it

i know i can pull myself out of it like i’ve done before its just…

theres no real will to do so, idk.

its scary because i don’t wanna be stuck in this version of myself

it’s the worst

i feel like nobody cares

because they don’t

because everyone has lives, so rightfully so

i feel like nobody notices when i disappear

but i also don’t want anybody to notice

that’s why I disappear

because…

i just want to be left alone to sink .

i don’t even know why this happens

i really hate it

cause i really liked last week’s version of me

people get mad at me for not showing up

how can i show up for you if i cant even show up for me ?

& how am i even supposed to explain whats going on

i don’t even know whats wrong with me

& what’s even weirder is there’s no real emotion behind it

i don’t feel

it’s just a feeling of emptiness

a void

like something’s missing

but the missing piece is me

how can i be missing from myself

that’s so weird

i was doing so good yo

i just wanna go back to last week’s version of me.